The Broken Bond
This information was originally presented by
Nancy Thomas
970-984-2222 or ncthomas@rof.net
http://www.nancythomasparenting.com
Locally Call:
Help One Child at 650-917-1210
What is Reactive Attachment Disorder? RAD is a condition in which individuals have difficulty forming loving lasting relationships. They often have a nearly complete lack of ability to be genuinely affectionate with others. They typically fail to develop a conscience and do not learn to trust. They do not allow people to be in control of them due to this trust issue. They can be surface compliant for weeks if there is no loving relationship involved. With strangers they can be extremely charming and appear loving. Uneducated adults misinterpret this as the child trusting or caring for them. If they cannot trust and love their own family that loves them, they will not trust and love a casual acquaintance!! They do not think and feel like a normal person. Some famous people with RAD that did not get help in time: Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Edgar Allen Poe, Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy.
For more professional help:
Deborah Hage
PO Box 42 Silverthorne, CO 80498
(970) 262-2998
Attachment Center at Evergreen
P0 Box 2764 Evergreen, CO 80419
(303) 674-1910
Attachment Disorder Parents Network
PO Box 12127, Boulder, CO 80303
Gail (303) 443-1446
Causes:
Any of the following conditions occurring in a child under 36 months of age puts a child at high risk for developing RAD:
- maternal ambivalence toward pregnancy
- in-utero trauma, drugs, alcohol exposure
- abuse(physical, emotional, sexual)
- neglect
- sudden separation from primary caretaker (i.e. illness or death of mother or severe illness or hospitalization of child)
- undiagnosed or painful illness such as colic or ear infections
- inconsistent or inadequate day care
- chronic maternal depression
- several moves and/or placements (foster care, failed adoptions)
- unprepared mothers with poor parenting skills
High Risk Signs in Infants:
- weak crying response or inability to settle (constant crying or almost none)
- developmental delays
- tactile defensiveness
- poor clinging and extreme resistance to cuddling: seems “stiff as a board”
- poor sucking response
- poor eye contact, lack of tracking
Syptoms of Attachment Disorder:
Yes No superficially engaging & charming (phoniness) lack of eye contact indiscriminately affectionate with strangers lack of ability to give and receive affection (not cuddly) extreme control problems: often manifest in covert “sneaky” ways destructive to self and others cruelty to animals chronic crazy lying no impulse controls (stealing etc.) learning lags and disorders lack of cause and effect thinking lack of conscience abnormal eating patterns poor peer relationships preoccupied with fire, blood & gore persistent nonsense questions and incessant chatter (jabbering) inappropriately demanding / clingy abnormal speech patterns (What?!) false allegations of abuse triangulation of adults (splitting) parents appear hostile &angry Keys to Bonding:
- Eye Contact
- warm, loving, and soft
- Touch
- holding, hugging, snuggling, massage
- Movement
- rocking, bouncing, dancing
- Smiles
- the smile in the eyes is the child’s focus
- Basic carbohydrates
- lactose, sugar (ice cream caramels)
- Pizzazz
- Parent interactions that encourage reciprocity on parent’s terms:
- singing together
- reciting nursery rhymes together
- imitating games where child follows
- Child & Parent working together
- doing chores together in a fun way
- activities that child completes on parents terms that enable a child to give
- Strong Parents
- use action not anger
- prevent manipulation so the child can feel safe and learn to trust
- Continuity with child’s past
Suggested Reading:
High Risk:Children without a conscience
by Dr. Ken Magid and Carole McKelvey Bantam Books
Understanding and Treating the Severely Disturbed Child
Parent Education Text
Hope for High Risk and Rage Filled Children
Conscienceless Acts Societal Mayhem
Above four books by Foster Cline, M.D. PO Box 2380, Evergreen, CO 80439
Holding Time
by Martha Welsh MD/Simon and Schuster
The Secret Life of The Unborn Child
by Thomas Verny MD
Dell publishing a division of Bantam
Troubled Transplants
by Richard Delaney Phd. &Frank Kunstal
Touching (the Human Significance of the skin)
by Ashley Montagu / Harper and Row Publ.
Therapeutic Parenting Attitude
by Deborah Hage
web http://www.debrahage.com/pwp
When Love Is Not Enough-A Guide to Parenting Children with RAD
by Nancy Thomas
PG Box 2812,
Glenwood Springs, CO 81602
